This goes back to one of the oldest rules in the book.
I was in a crowded Whole Foods in some sort of lunchtime clutter, waiting for minestrone soup. As it happened, nearby was a case of cold beverages. They looked great. I was awfully thirsty and "Synergy's Raspberry Rush”:
sounded like a wonderful thirst quenching beverage. So I gave in to the gods of marketing and placement and bought this Raspberry Rush. It was supposed to be tea and raspberry juice. My taste buds imagined a crisp sweet green tea with a hint of a raspberry infusion. Yum.
Back at my Prius I decided I couldn’t wait. I backed
out of my parking space and uncapped the bottle at the same time. As it got close to my lips, I noticed a faint odor or vinegar. I thought “oh,
this must be like those really good cheeses in France that smell bad and taste good.”
It tasted like it smelled. Every taken a swig of cider vinegar? It was also a warning to not drink and drive because the offensive taste of this liquid almost made me rear end a Jetta. But it tasted like more than vinegar- there was also definitely ginger and rotten red bell pepper in there. Yet raspberry was absolutely nowhere to be found. So I did exactly what every person who had just tasted the worst thing ever would do:
Made other people drink it. My students, mainly.
I thought- "hey, they're drama kids, they want new creative experiences- I'm sure they would love to taste this narnarness." Of course, I was truthful; I prefaced the drink with: “Hey, come over here- try this, it’s the worst thing I’ve ever tasted.” Most of them said “Sure, I’ll try it.” And then “Yup, that’s pretty gross” or “ewwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!” They all conceded that it tasted like rotten carbonated salad dressing.
That made me feel better and I drove home while plotting my ranting blog. But something kept nagging at me.
What if I just bought a bad one? What if I just got the bottle with the yucky e coli. Besides being dead, I would also be the evil blogger who defamed the poor start-up dude who bragged on the bottle about how this junk helped his mom get through breast cancer. That wouldn’t be very nice of me.
So, being the responsible blogger that I am, I decided to go buy another Raspberry Rush.
And guess what?
It still sucked.
But I guess since I bought two, I’m really the sucker.
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